With Grandparents Day this past weekend, it had me thinking about how grandparents are such special figures in any child’s life. We are so lucky to have my mom living less than five minutes away and she is very involved in my children’s lives. She comes by at least once a week to visit and she’s always willing to babysit. When I had to take my daughter to the emergency room with a nasty stomach virus, my mom came with me. When both kids were sick and I knew the pediatrician was going to be rough (and my hubby was stuck in meetings), my mom left work early to lend an extra hand. My kids insist on calling “Nana” on our way to school every morning. She is the epitome of what a grandmother should be. She loves unconditionally and I know I can rely on her to help when it’s needed. My grandfather and grandmother are also both very involved in my kid’s lives. They truly are GREAT-grandparents. They are at birthday parties and school shows. They spend lots of quality time with the kids. They always show up. And that is what is most important in kid’s life – show up! But what happens when grandparents don’t show up? We have this situation as well.
You see, my mom and my mother in law are polar opposites. While my mom is part of our day to day life, my mother in law has never shown ANY interest in our children. In fact, she has never even met them. This isn’t due to a lack of trying. Even after a falling out, we called her when our children were born. We invited her to the hospital. We invited to our home many times. We offered to come to see her. However, she never returned those calls. It was one unanswered voicemail after another. We have had many people tell us that we should just show up at her house (she only lives 25 minutes from us) and force her to meet the kids. But I strongly disagree. I am not going to force relationships with my children. I will not beg you to come around because quite frankly my children deserve more than that. They deserve genuine love and affection. If you don’t want to be part of my kid’s lives, then that is your loss, because they are pretty awesome people (if I do say so myself).
The stark contrast between my children’s grandmothers is evident. Thankfully, they are young enough that they haven’t started asking questions. However, I know the day of questioning will come (and it’s probably not far off). When the inevitable questions do arise, we will explain the situation in an age-appropriate manner and continue to surround our children with the most incredible extended family we have – grandparents, great-grandparents, great-aunts and uncles. This Grandparents Day we choose to celebrate the love, generosity, and wisdom that each of the ones who choose to be there bring to our family. But we will not force a relationship that isn’t truly wanted by both sides – even if it is a grandparent relationship.
