So everyone always says being a mom is the hardest job in the world but not many elaborate…. I feel as though many agree that the lack of sleep is a huge factor even though there are many lucky ones not experiencing those late night bouncing/patting/singing/shhhing episodes.
Acting as a close second…. is how your life goes from worrying about you and only you to a major lifestyle change. Even though majority of us do have family, friends, or nannies now a days, saying goodbye to deciding when we want to wake up, go to bed, having the liberty to eat at a normal pace, showering and going to the restroom alone, all changes with the birth of our first child. I personally didn’t find that living my life for my kids felt like a loss or uproot. I’m a creature of habit and planning addict so to spend my days following a schedule and repetition with a side of being allowed to stay in my pajamas all day worked for me.
So what makes me feel like being a mother is so hard?
For me it is the stress that comes with it. The constant battle with myself trying to not repeat the things I disliked that my mother did to me. My major contribution of stressful parenting is the yelling. I grew up in a household where we communicated that way. Everyone just blew up and that meant mom and dad were serious. Some new age parents find that to be old fashioned, and now we have to communicate with our children and be their equal and not have them fear us…. I say that’s bulls&#T. Sometimes old school parenting shouldn’t be messed with.
I love my sons dearly but I want to raise men who respect their parents and know they cannot play one against the other. I want them to be scared, not necessarily of me but disappointing me. I want them to have fear of consequences. Unfortunately I’m struggling with the yelling part.
Toddlers are the best mind manipulators around. They just want to constantly have us repeat ourselves and act like their hearing is impaired. They want their toys, candy, iPads, all the new age luxuries and sometimes the threats of losing them are enough. Well not for my child. I have been using old school parenting methods with certain reprimanding.
For example, my son has the luxury of having a nanny that he adores. So when he is acting out she is what I take away. Even though it hurts me by losing the help for the day it works that he fears his bad behavior will result in not having Monica around to spend his day with. It’s just like when my mother would cancel play dates we were looking forward to or not allow us to go to a birthday party, which we were so excited for. These are the feelings of action and reaction I want my sons to remember. Not losing their beloved iPad . The loss of the quality time with someone they love and enjoy spending their time with.
This leads me to why I yell at him at least three times a day. I battle my four year old over eating. He will spend his day complaining he’s hungry and then miraculously when he sits at the table he just wants to play with whatever else is on the table and not eat his food. It is by far the most frustrating part of my day. My husband and I having to yell and threaten him to eat otherwise he will go to bed hungry (old school parenting). The joke of it all is he always keeps testing me. That is so annoying to me as a parent. I do everything for this kid, go above and beyond, everyone complements his behavior, manors, treatment of his brother and other people, and yet when we sit down for a meal I see red and want to lock him in his room. There is my personal parenting weakness, this fuels my anger and makes me yell, which I swore I wouldn’t do when I was pregnant…. however it seems to work, after the loudest yell, or harshest threat, but if it takes three times to get him to eat is it really working? Or is it hurting him.
The struggle is real as they say. Everyone has something they try to work on each and every day to become a better parent, friend, partner, daughter, sibling etc. So this is my flaw that I want to change. I want to be able to get my message through to my son to eat or be quiet or listen to me without having to yell at him. I don’t want to be on the receiving end of causing tears to drip down his face. Or hear the words “ you’re breaking my heart” (Yes he does say that). If we don’t stay strong and make sure they know who’s boss they will end up being brats that we will not be proud of. We need to unite and learn to take deep breaths and walk away when we feel like we are getting to our boiling point because at the end of the day, we are going to mess them up some way some how…. we won’t even see it coming.
I know my mom thought that all her little nuances would be why my sister and I had our rebellions, and now as adults speaking to her she had no idea what actually stuck and what didn’t. The things we worry might be huge contributions to our children’s adult issues probably won’t be as long as we try to be conscious of them, and work on them. I believe if we blend old school parenting with the new school, we will find a happy medium that works. So long story short I am going to work on the yelling, add in more explaining and I’m going to dial down the threats, and hopefully my son and I will make it out of this phase unharmed and unstressed.
Until Next Time- Mama Joey