I totally love me some social media, but oh my goodness, have you ever logged off and felt like a horrible mom? Hopefully not, but if you’re anything like me, I have fallen into some ugly beliefs that left me feeling defeated after looking at picturesque Pinterest and Instagram on my not-so-grand days as a mama. Some days I feel like I have it all together and other days I am not the mom I had imagined I would be. Well, I am no expert but I am pretty sure my preconceived notions are FALSE! Sometimes you just gotta go to your truth source (mine being the Bible) and knock some of these fallacies down. Broken down are five fallacies in my first year I have believed (and since scrapped!)
- My friends have it all together, and I can’t even get a shower until late afternoon: Ok, so maybe getting a shower later in the day, if at all, has been true. But, my friends having it all together? Well, yes they are AMAZING moms. But if I decide to scroll through the highlight reels of Facebook all day then all I will see are those amazing moments! “Comparison is the thief of joy” is a quote I have had to tell myself over and over. And my biggest revelation? We all usually have SOME of it together, but none of us have ALL of it together. If you peek behind the closed doors of my laundry room, you will see what I mean.
- Staying at home squanders my talents in my career: Whether you choose to go back to work or stay home, your choice is right! You know you best. When I went back to work as a night shift RN, my daughter was 4 months old. I would be awake caring for her from 6 am, go to work at 6pm, then stay up the entire next day until she went to bed around 7pm. Being hit by a train was the best way to describe how I felt after a 36 hour nonstop workload. When I chose to stay home full time, I was more rested, but felt like my identity as a nurse was slipping away. Then I realized, I was doing many of the same things! I cared, nurtured, and had immense responsibility over a life at home, just like my ICU patients. Now, I discuss medicine with my hubs occasionally during the week and participate in nursing blogs. But, my nurturing role gets priority numero uno to my daughter and husband. My career will still be there, but she’s only little once.
- My child’s behavior makes me look like a bad mom: Most of the time she is sweet as pie, but at the tender age of 10 months, I’m seeing a little, I mean BIG, personality emerge. In typical 10 month old fashion, she screams when something is taken away from her. This is usually no biggie, because she gets over it quickly. Unless we’re in the candle aisle of Target and she has an arch-her-back-in-the-Tula meltdown, and granny from down the street is looking at me like I am a crazy person. Bring on the sweat beading and beet red cheeks, because I officially feel like a loser. Yes, it’s my duty to teach, discipline (although I’m not starting that for another two months), and model. But; I always need to remember that my IDENTITY as a mom will not be tied to her CHOICES. Whether she chooses Harvard or homemaking, a bad choice or a great choice, I will always be the best mom for her.
- I’m the mom, therefore the martyr: My hubby tells me, “Don’t be a hero,” and I have needed to hear it every. single. time. When he sees me riding the struggle bus, he urges me to take some time for myself. There are so many great blogs and podcasts about self-care, but I especially like Mama Care Mondays . Mine looks like wine alone in the bathtub, pedicure, or girls night out. Recharge and take care of yo’self! You deserve it, mama!
- I’m the only one who feels this way: Oh man, this was the biggest lie I believed. That was broken when I decided to join an awesome Friday morning moms group/bible study hosted by the wonderful Bonnie Kelly at Coastal Doulas. We share gospel truth and fellowship with each other, and through all the honesty, I realized that motherhood can look like a grueling journey or an easy stroll for everyone at different times. Having your tribe to share in the journey is the single most important thing in breaking this big lie.
Motherhood brings a lot misconceptions and myths, but once those lies are exposed and replaced with truth, you will have more clarity on this journey. And my goodness, there are lots more lies to be exposed during all the adversity we may face in the future, but you will never be left to walk alone.
Featured Image Photo Credit: Melissa Illance Soto