My Mother, My Grandmother, My Mother in Law: My Friends

We often hear about the importance of our tribe, our village, and those we choose to surround ourselves with as mothers to help us navigate this journey of raising little humans. Usually when we are talking about our “tribe,” more times than not, we are talking about our friends. Our friendships are such an important part of our lives. Having strong female friends is one of the happy, bright spots in my life and I can’t imagine my life without my close girls. But when I think of the women who are truly in the trenches with me and helping me to be not only the best mom I can be, but the best woman, three strong women come to mind: my mother, my grandmother, and my mother-in-law. 

These three women are all very different and yet they all hold qualities that I find so admirable. My mother is my best friend. She is by far the most selfless person I have ever known. We have always been extremely close and our relationship will always be one of my most treasured. Even during those tricky teenage years when she didn’t always agree with my choices, she was there for me and I still told her (almost) everything.  We have talked every single day since I left home. In college, she was the ear on the phone as I lamented my choice in an 8:30am class, and wondered what to think about the older frat boy who kept asking me out (he later became my husband) and we still text more times than I could even count in any given day. She was alongside my husband and me as I gave birth to my oldest girl, and pacing outside the room during my emergency c-section with my twins. She is always there for me. Always. She never missed a soccer game, a school meeting, or anything else that I needed her for. She is strong, opinionated and she says what’s on her mind. At the same time she is the most loving, accepting and generous person I know. She pushes me to the best person I can be by giving never-ending support and love. She is the Nana to my kids that I always knew she would be, fitting into their lives in the most special and treasured way. Without her, so many things in my life just wouldn’t be the same. I pray every day to have the same relationship with my girls that I share with her.

My grandmother is a mother of six, grandmother to eleven, and great-grandmother to three. To say she’s experienced just about every facet of raising kids is an understatement. She is the glue that holds our big family together, often navigating the feelings and needs of many people all at once. She has worked so hard at raising her own kids that she should be relaxing with her feet up by now. Oh, but that’s not my grandmother! She loves to be busy and being surrounded by noise, chaos and little kids still brings her the same joy it did all those years ago when she was home raising her own. When my twins were born, she dropped everything and spent days on end with me, rocking, changing and loving on those babies. To this day, she comes weekly to visit with us. We get out of the house, have lunch and we talk about our lives. She tells me things she doesn’t want to share with anyone else, as word travels fast within big families, and I listen to any advice she wants to share with me in regards to my own life. She is gentle, yet also strong, she gives her wisdom but doesn’t push it on you. She is the grandmother that everyone loves. Her elementary aged grandkids love her themed parties, the teenagers invite her to nights out shopping and play mini golf together, and then the adult grandkids, like me, see her as a trusted friend, support and ally. I hope that one day my grandkids see me in the same light that hers do.

Another woman who plays an important role in my village, is my mother in law. She raised her son, along with another son and two daughters, to be the amazing, kind and loving man that he is today. Without him, I wouldn’t have the three little people who make my life complete. And now that I have a son of my own, I realize what a big and important job it is to raise a little boy into becoming a good man. She has welcomed me into the family since the first night I met her. I was just twenty years old when we first met; I was nervous and uncertain and she instantly made me feel okay and accepted. She is warm, open, and wraps you up in conversation the moment you meet her. Within minutes, you feel as if you’ve known her your entire life and you feel at ease enough to talk to her about just about anything. Her home is the house that both friends and family feel relaxed and welcome in. She has a yest for life, laughter, fun and embraces being silly any chance she can. She has a love for words and art and freely shares her passions with those around her. I hope to share my passions in the same way as her, and to one day be as accepting to my children’s significant others as she has always been to me. 

Three women with different strengths, weaknesses and attributes. Three different personalities and gifts to give the world and they all have something in common: they are the women that help to shape me as a woman, a mother, and a person. I look to them each for their unique perspectives and feel lucky to be in this “tribe” that in so many ways is led by them.