The Day I Stopped Micromanaging My Kindergartener

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If I really stopped and looked at my every day, I feel like the amount of words I used would be limited to about 50. 

“Don’t”

”I don’t care”

”No, you’re doing what I say”

”Why did you do that”

I joke that now that I’m a full time stay at home mom, my new bosses are three tiny tyrants created by my husband and I. But if I really stopped and looked at the day, if I was employed by my children they would have fired me by now! All I do is tell them what to do. I’m not allowing for growth, which is so important at their ages! 

Mommy is doing it all for them. Telling them what to eat, what to wear, how to behave, and when to cry or not cry. Seriously. I’m supposed to be their ultimate supporter and all I feel like is a warden! Something had to change. Especially since my oldest began Kindergarten in the fall.

The fun one

This little being that made me a Mommy is the most amazing big brother. His empathy knows no bounds. He is always willing to help myself and my husband, he’s the best friend of our middle child and adored by our baby. He’s the leader of the pack at home. At school, he’s the youngest in his grade and wants to make everyone laugh. A class clown at his finest. 

At my son’s school, they use this program called Class Dojo. It allows the teacher to let you know in real time what kind of day your child is having. It’s a great tool to see how they are behaving, where they need help, and to have open communication with the teacher. It’s fantastic, unless you’re an obsessive person like I am. I’m constantly checking to see how his day went. Green bubbles mean he’s doing what’s asked of him. A red bubble means he was warned to change the behavior and didn’t listen. My son had a couple of all green days no problem. Then came a red bubble. And another day with a red bubble. And one day with two red ones. I couldn’t believe it!

Curse you, red bubbles!

This boy loves school. He has fun, he likes making friends and was keeping up with the curriculum. So why was he getting red bubbles? Every day, after waiting almost an hour in the parent pick-up line, the first or second sentence I’d say to my child (whom I had missed all day) was “Why did you get a red bubble?” Mother of the year! He began to change at home. Lots of tantrums, didn’t want to go to school and felt defeated because even though he received 8-9 green bubbles a day, all I saw was red. 

I wasn’t looking at the big picture. I always loved school and wanted him to love and respect school as much as I did. From a young age, our parents instilled how blessed we were to live in a country that offered FREE education to all the children. That always stuck with me and I wanted my son to feel the same. After many nights and days of going back and forth, my husband pointed out a very important point. “He is a lot like me, and the one thing I hate is being micromanaged. I want to prove that I know what to do, but if I’m never given a chance, it’s hard to do that”.

He was right. Our son was exactly like him and for that I was so thankful. My husband is a great friend and person. Our son being like him is an answered prayer. So the next week, I stopped looking at the app. I stopped counting bubbles. I asked how his day was; what he loved the most. By Friday, little man had gotten green bubbles the whole week! We rewarded him with ice cream. His smile says it all I believe. 

A well deserved treat!

Overall, I truly feel that for this particular son of mine, stopping and looking at the big picture has helped him blossom. He will still have a hard day; he’s not perfect. I don’t want him to be. I want him to want to bring the laughter and the sweetness he’s blessed us with. So I will stop worrying about colors of bubbles and will concentrate on the good my son can bring to the world!

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Laura Zapata
Born in Queens, NY and raised in Boynton Beach, FL, Laura has lived a full life here in the sunshine state. A mommy of three boys and married to her own Prince Charming, Laura has a crazy busy life. She enjoys reading, painting, sing alongs in the car with her kiddies, Disney trips, and many a nights binge watching her favorite shows with her husband. As a registered Dental Hygienist, Laura feels extremely passionate about kids having proper oral health care and knowledge. She’s currently a stay at home/work on Saturdays when Daddy is home mommy.  Any rainy day can carry a rainbow if you just look for the sunshine and she tries to live her live that way. Laura is excited to share her knowledge, stories and humor with this team and all the great mothers and care givers that read Palm Beach Moms Blog!