“So there’s this boy who’s stolen my heart. He calls me Mommy.”
I remember the day we found out we were pregnant for the first time. It was exciting, scary and joyous all at once. We felt truly blessed. Our whole families were excited and we even had a nice gender reveal. Half of loved ones guessed a girl; the others thought boy. We opened the box and blue balloons came out, and we were thrilled! Mostly to just know what we were having, but excited to keep the family name going. Fast forward two years later and we find out we were pregnant again (when our first born was 13 months old). We were a bit nervous and now everyone thought it just had to be a girl. I, too, was convinced since my pregnancy was so different. When the ultrasound tech told us it was a boy, my husband started calling the boys “The BASH Brothers”. Oh boy have they lived up to that name!
We felt that we were done at this point. We had two healthy, happy boys and our hearts felt full. Then came the question…
“Are you going to try for the girl”?
“Oh, I bet you wished you had a girl”.
“Your hands sure are full”.
You get the picture. These questions began from the moment we found out we were having another boy and really never stopped. I used to laugh it off. “Oh, yeah two. Yup hands full, hearts full… No we’re not trying for a girl… at least I have all the clothes for a boy…I’m just blessed to have babies.” It was quite annoying. My boys were usually standing right there and I felt that in the eyes of these people, they were not enough. They are great human beings. They are funny, a handful, and just as big of a part of my heart that a little girl would have been. When the time came for us to try to get pregnant again, people actually would tell us “Oh they’re trying for the girl”. How about we were trying for a HEALTHY BABY? With so many people struggling to have children and some losing their children, it really got in my head.
We did the blood test for our last pregnancy because I am such a planner. At this point I really felt we would be having another boy. With my dearest friends we speculated how fun a little girl would be at this point, but my heart was telling me to get ready for another boy. On my brother’s birthday we got the call. My husband wanted to surprise me so I had them tell him the results. Blue silly string came out of the can and the rest is history. Our sweet little baby boy was born on March 23rd and our little family was truly complete.
I am the only one of my friends who has all of one gender for children. I’m also one of the first to have three children (other than a sister in law who has three girls and rocks and makes it look EASY). Instead on focusing on what I’m missing by not having a daughter, I love thinking of what I can experience. I get to dance with my sons at their wedding; to see my sons play baseball like their daddy and my brother; I’ll have wild flowers in my hair because my boys love to pick them every where we go; I get unconditional love. In short, I get what every other mother out there gets to experience. So please, stranger at the store, distant family member, or even someone who you may be stuck seeing every day, stop asking if I’m sad I don’t have a girl. Don’t assume I feel incomplete. Because the truth is, I’ve never felt more whole in my entire life. Our boys are my world and I couldn’t imagine it any other way.
Moms, have you ever felt like people judge your family?
