I have made countless mistakes in my 8 year journey into motherhood thus far. Motherhood is so integral to the human species and yet, it surprises most of us at every twist and turn. Increasingly, I’m trying to take those mothering mistakes I’ve made and turn them into lessons instead of regrets. Recently, I’ve become aware of a huge misstep I’ve taken for years: exchanging many of my real-life friendships for social media ones.
When my oldest daughter was born, I left my job at a local law firm and got promoted to my dream occupation: Stay-at-home-mom. I was in no way mentally or emotionally prepared for life with an infant, and when my husband left for work each day I felt painfully ALONE. I searched online and found a local moms’ group that had just started, so I stuffed my shyness down and went to my first meet up. That year about 15 of us local moms bonded over library story times, breastfeeding classes and park play dates. This group of ladies became an incredible source of encouragement for me. Facebook was just becoming more popular, so most of us became online “friends” as well as real ones. They didn’t seem to mind that I posted an embarrassingly large number of photos of my first baby’s life!
We continued on in this fashion for around two years and then many of us were working on having baby number 2. Life becomes so different (and busier!) when that second baby enters the picture. So those friends from the moms’ group turned into people I admired from afar. I would “like” their pictures on Facebook, and sometimes even comment and they would do the same to mine. On the rare occasion I would actually see them face-to-face, we exchanged pleasantries about how big the kids had become or even promises that we would get together soon. For the most part, though, that was the extent of those relationships.
Fast forward through baby 3 and baby 4’s infant stages to the present. A few weeks ago, I received a Facebook invitation to one of those home-selling parties for a product I’d personally never used but it was a fundraiser for a very worthy cause. When I saw it would be a lot of those moms from the first moms’ group, I said to myself, “You ARE going to this.” When the time came for the party, I walked up to the door not really knowing what to expect. As soon as I entered, my spirit was immediately uplifted. It felt so good to actually see these awesome ladies in person and catch up with them a bit. To hug my “old” friends and remember all those fun times we had with our first babies brought such joy to my soul, something that a “like” or a “comment” on Facebook simply can’t do.
Was it a “mistake” to let my first moms’ group friends fall into the social media pit? I know we are all busy. Between school, sports, clubs, and family obligations, we just can’t do it all. However, I do feel like I could have been more proactive in reaching out to my “long-lost” friends. Phone calls are particularly difficult for moms of young children; it’s almost painful for me to talk on the phone unless it’s after bedtime. So I’ve decided to try to actually use this technology I have in my hands for good, by simply sending my friends a quick text occasionally to let them know I am thinking about them. Maybe even schedule a park play date to catch up. Going forward, I am making it my goal to reconnect with at least one friend per month.
In contrast to my friends with whom I am connected on social media, I have one friend who has chosen to abstain from most forms of social media. If I think about her and want an update on her life, I have to actually call or text her, rather than just scroll through her Facebook timeline or Instagram account. This has truly brought us much closer. I don’t believe that we need to be best friends with every mom we meet, but it is critical for everyone, especially moms, to have 2-3 close real-life friends. As the Bible says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17 NIV) We are social creatures, meant to do life in community with one another. Being around other moms in real life encourages me and teaches me so much more than seeing everyone’s “highlight reel” of pictures and videos of perfect lives. I am not against social media, at all. Used in the right ways, social media can be a tremendous tool to bring positivity to the world and to connect with people we otherwise might not be able to. As long as we remember to reach out in the real world beyond a “comment” or a “like”, we can keep healthy real-life friendships in our lives. What are some ways you keep in touch with your friends beyond social media?
